Reluctant Love: A Visual Love Letter of Healing

It’s been a month or so since I have been working on the project of “Violated Women” and for some reason it may have been the title or because I was fighting against myself.  It took some soul searching because I wanted to keep the name because I wanted other women to join me as I told my story of being victimized.  As with any documentary situations change and people change their mind to be documented.  I was so head strong on making sure that I had three women so the film would talk to all women, not every woman is ready to heal.  Though many of my close friends said to me it’s your story, your situation is so valuable and your voice is so perfect to tell the story of inspiration and hope.  As most of us in life we ignore our close friends and family, they quickly reminded me of my accomplishments and struggles and kept the spirit. I took some time to think about what folks were saying and they were absolutely right I didn’t need to wait for other women to join me and tell their story.  I was a story myself and what better person to have access to than myself.  My biggest enemy is usually myself: how I’m not right, it has to be better, it’s not going my way always finding excuses to fight with myself.

So as I have been rewriting the treatment I realized I am the voice. I am the creative energy and the inspiration to get this party started.  Though many of us filmmakers have an ego we don’t want our film to be trash or be a flop so we have this strong anxiety to get it right.

I have a great start of crew and still need more people committed to bring this project to fruition.   Dr. Kate Cerulli  (consultant on film) first introduced the idea of changing the name a few weeks ago,  I was sort of hesitant because I didn’t want to change the concept of the project.  I understand her concern that I would need funding and that title just might scare folks.  I am excited about the title now because it makes the statement of how I felt when I was pregnant, after I had my daughter and how I continued to love her even after the worst was done to me.  It takes some kind of love to have a child from a man that hurt you physically and mentally.

I realized this subject about rape is her subject to talk about.  I feel like it might be easier talking about racism than about unwanted sex.  Most men don’t want to have this conversation because it’s just a turn off and they don’t want to have a conversation that makes them feel uncomfortable.

I am still working on my film treatment & synopsis now that I have drastically changed the direction. I am my own worst enemy just getting the writing portion out has been difficult. Though my personal life has had some road bumps this week I am truly thankful for time I was able to work through my project.  I have been creatively planning on writing a poem to my daughter visually using the film as my backdrop to say what I feel. I also want to take the time to inform young women about the resources that are out in society for them.  I realized by researching Rochester community there are few resources for victims of violence dealing with rape.  Hoping that when I am finished with this project there is a FREE rape survivor group so that there is support group for folks like myself.

My goal is to educate other survivors with organizations and groups that can assist while survivors get the mental health support they need.  Though you may survive from the act of rape the mental anxiety is still there deep down inside.  I have been yearning to find peace by defining my spirituality and staying true to my faith.  Looking forward to going to Cuba for my birthday so I can define my spirituality in Yoruba.  Lauryn Hill use to sing “How you gonna win if your not right within” how am I gonna make a difference with my films if my heart and soul are not right within?  That is the question I asked myself and realized I have to make that trip for my soul. You may ask why Cuba? The Yoruba religion is strong in Cuba and is based on believing in a supreme being through natural elements,  believers must follow a series of commandments; the 16 laws of Ifá, the origin is attributed to the pronouncements of Orunmila, the orisha of wisdom and divinations.  My third eye has been open and I have been up early in the morning the creator has been speaking to me to stay still.  I believe when your still and your soul is still you can hear the voice of the creator speak to you.

My team and I will be having our first production meeting this Friday and looking forward to folks meeting each other and updating them on the change of name and my goals for the documentary.

Obtaining a Fiscal Sponsor

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I always find it a challenge when I’m working on documentaries to take the time to develop my synopsis and treatment. What usually puts a spark behind my film strategy, besides having the passion to explore the issue at hand, is funding. Seeking a fiscal sponsor that will assist you in free fundraising workshops and mentor your project is not an easy find. It takes a great deal of researching organizations to find the right fit. Does their mission statement fit with your own? Does that fiscal sponsor support your type of project?

For this project I will be reaching out to Women Make Movies for support – one of the staff here at Flower City Arts Center suggested them as a fiscal sponsor for my film. I feel strongly that my film “Violated Women” is the right project for Women Make Movies to support not just because I am a woman but because of the content of the film. The film is a catalyst film for healing to educate and inspire other women who may share the same situation of being a rape survivor.

Last week I met with a consultant on the project Dr. Catherine Cerruli a very organized woman well rounded in her commitment to women and justice. Kate introduced me to other mental health professionals and volunteers in the field. I met with over 16 people and they shared their opinions and comments on the subject at hand. They also suggested a few titles for my project after it was pointed out that my current title may scare away my audience due to being too aggressive and unapproachable – they have a point, but my title “Violated Women” does get to the point of why I liked that title to begin with – because it forces the audience to ask themselves, “how was she violated?” This group was also informative on funding opportunities which I found helpful.

I also brought on a new intern to my team, Crystal Knight, a senior in high school who I met here at Flower City Arts Center while I was teaching in the Studio 678 program. I am so excited to have her assisting me in the project! She is a true thinker with great ideas. I’m also happy to share that fellow Flower City Arts Center artist-in-residence Stephanie Mercedes has agreed to come on board to assist me with writing my proposal and funding applications. I am so grateful to know this project is bigger than me.

My goals for this week are to send out my proposal to Women Make Movies in New York City and have my application and proposal ready for two funders.

Next week my team and I plan on interviewing a few survivors of violence which we plan to use in the introduction of my film. I’m also researching statistics of rape in America and globally that I can incorporate in to the end of “Violated Women”.

My Mental…

My progress has been slow and steady. I secured an intern until May to assist me with my project. Darryl Curry is a student at the University of Rochester. I’ve reached out to a few mental health professionals and grateful they have agreed to assist me as a consultant on the project.

  • Dr. Catherine Cerulli, Director of the Susan B. Anthony Center for Leadership agreed to assist me. I noticed on her curriculum vitae she was a District Attorney for Monroe County and created a special misdemeanor domestic violence unit in 1995. Cerulli developing a unit to violence itself was impressive as a woman to see.
  • Reached out to my Alma Mata, City College Women’s Studies professor, Dr. Adeyinka M. Akinsulure-Smith.  She had an impressive background in counseling war trauma survivors and survivors of sexual violence.
  • Contacted my film advisor, Andrea Weiss my mentor from City College she advised me that she wouldn’t have a lot of time to dedicate but will be able to advise.

All three of these women have left my soul feeling relieved – it feels great to have a support system! Dr. Akinsulure-Smith also advised me to separate myself from the project from time to time and make sure I have time for myself – I am so excited to meet this phenomenal woman in NYC when I get a chance.

I recently volunteered at a halfway house locally.  That evening on my drive home my head was about to explode with all the stories I had heard from folks sharing their innermost situations. I felt like I had this heavy load I was carrying and couldn’t wait to get home to unload.  That night my own experiences haunted me as I tossed and turned all night trying desperately to get back to sleep.  The mental aspect of taking in everyone’s stories is draining and has to be released on a regular basis in order for me to be successful with this project.

This project is a healing journey for myself and the women that may use the platform of the film to heal as well.  I developed a website and was able to get a Press Release arranged so I can bring awareness of my project to the general public. Next week hope to touch base with some survivors and arrange some time to talk.

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Blessingz,

The Filmstress

AIR Introduction: The Filmstress, Nicholle La Vann

 

Nicholle La Vann

Blessings everyone, my name is Nicholle La Vann aka The Filmstress. Lets get acquainted shall we? I am an award winning filmmaker from Harlem currently living in Rochester, New York with my family. Over the past year I have taught black and white photography to kids in the Studio 678 program at Flower City Arts Center and currently teach Intro to Social Media.

I use film as a tool to educate, inspire, and empower audiences. Film and video is a powerful medium that can manipulate a message or promote it. My film “Homicidez” was shot in Rochester, N.Y. and dealt with the senseless violence.  The city was under great scrutiny when the case hit the headlines from the way the police investigated to the witness tampering. It was my responsibility as a mother, filmmaker and humanitarian to make the film because I felt myself getting immune to the senseless killings.  May 29, 2010 Mayor Bob Duffy presented me with a proclamation from the City of Rochester making that day “Nicholle La Vann Day” for my service and giving a voice to the families of murdered victims.

In 2011 I produced and directed “Solutionz” which explored children who were affected by their parents incarceration.  The film won an award from The National Council on Crime & Delinquency and used in workshops nationally to prevent bullying.

May 19th, 2013 I produced and collaborated an event with the Betty Shabazz & Malcolm X Education Center in Washington Heights it was entitled “Bringing Consciousness Back” a movement inspired by artists to educate, inspire and promote change by providing a platform for discussion at each event exploring topics such as violence, poverty, mental health, incarceration and green initiatives.

In 2014, I released “Living Legendz” which featured Dr. Leonard Jeffries, Abiodun Oyewole (Last Poet) and former Black Panther, Jamal Joseph.  The short film intimately introduced these phenomenal men who dedicated their lives to their culture.

Violated Women
Photograph by Johnnie Lee Smith

I am currently in research and development phase for my new film, “Violated Women” which explores a few women who have been raped, conceived a child, and maintained their mental health. Interviews with survivors, and mental health professionals will be intertwined with archival photos and images. Spoken word will be used to illustrate points of view from other survivors with music mixed to illustrate the feeling.  The film will educate audiences on Rape and the after effects which include PTSD with survivors and the mental health therapy options. Stay tuned as I bring you along my digital journey. Live from Rochester New Yawk it’s the Filmstress!