arrivals/departures – The End of the Beginning

Time fly when you are having fun, that is true. I am writing this post from my house, in Medellín, Colombia, after my six-week residency at the Flower City Arts Center.

I arrived two months ago with the idea of working on migration. But, what is migration after all? I could make such a long list starting, of course, with people coming from abroad looking for opportunities, following with laws and migration quotas, walls, Border Patrol, minimum wages, working conditions, et cetera. Migration is also related to transit, dreams, plans, changes, failures, and routes. That was what I looked for.

However, six weeks is such a short time… and last, but not least, in the United States, we can only find people who finished their migration path. I decided to start this project during the residency, but I will continue to work on it in the coming months, probably years. Rochester was the first stop, then I’m back in Colombia, where a lot of people wants to get out, and then I would like to go to the countries in between, probably Central America, where there is a lot of transit.

This long path is a different way of working for me. I used to make short projects instead of longer ones. For me, it was just like I had an idea, wrote some lines down, do the shots, and everything is done and gone, in six months or less. But in this case, it is going to be different. The subject matter is so wide and complex, that I would feel uncomfortable and irresponsible just doing a light or superficial approach. Showing a couple of pictures of Colombians guys surrounded by American flags or Mexican fellas in a McDonald’s restaurant. I don’t want to diss those approaches, please do not get me wrong. But the subject matter, in the actual political climate, does not allow simplifications.

I tried to make pictures related to the idea of being and feeling a migrant. That could probably be a good start. It was not that hard because I am a migrant myself. I know how it feels to arrive at a foreign land, feel the language barriers, the fear, the uncertainty, the cultural shock. That is what I tried to show in my pictures, those are the feelings that ruled the experience. That is why there are barriers and things being in-place and out-place.

Was I successful? For me, it is to soon to answer that question… working with film, developing and scanning by myself, really slows the process down. And a deeper understanding of the situation, require time, work and commitment. I am actually happy with the results. I think I made a good selection of images, that are faithful to my initial idea. I enjoyed the process, learned a lot, and especially, got to know realities that I could not even imagine. That is the most important experience for me. My path was apparently clear, but things changed and I had to find new ways. I got moved and touched by the changes and the routes.

I would like to thank the Flower City Arts Center staff for their kind support over this period. Without their help, consideration, time and generosity, this would not be possible. Also thanks to Beth Peters, who generously hosted and took me around the city during this time. Thanks to the Ministry of Culture of Colombia and The Medellín Town’s Hall too, who supported this project thru a series of grants.

Finally, I would like to share some data about my journey:
Number of flights: 5
Miles by bus or train: 1400
4×5 color film sheets used: 40
120 color film rolls: 14
120 B&W film rolls: 3
35mm color film rolls (36exp.): 1
35mm B&W film rolls (36exp.): 2
Times I ate at McDonald’s: 1
Miles rode (in the bike): 390
Miles walked: 67
Cold days during my residency: all but two
Average number of coffees by day: 4
Times I get lost in Downtown Rochester: 27

Thanks for reading and see you back soon!

On Migration – A Project Update

It has been three weeks since my arrival and I want to share a brief update on my work. As I told you in my first post, this is the beginning of long-term project, that I would like to continue within my own and other countries, in order to have a wide view of the migration process and its meanings. Because of that, in the previous weeks, I have been working on finding aesthetics and approaches to the act of moving, settlement and cultural appropriation.

When talking about my project to connect with people and organizations, their first impression is that I am trying to find people from abroad. That is probably because in the United States I can only get closer to people who finish their migration path, not those who are looking to depart or trying to find new ways to their final destination. It is a partial misconception about what I am looking for because that way of understanding the subject matter will reduce my creative relationship and will only produce pictures with one meaning –i.e. a migrant worker. I would like to make work that allows me to make a creative interpretation of the topic.

As a migrant myself and because of the actual political climate in the United States, I am looking to show photographically the feelings that rule the experience. Fear, anxiety, lost, segregation, displacement, disconnection, et cetera. Working with this premises would probably take me away from the common places in the genre. But is a path that, as migration itself, does not have clear ways. It is an experience constituted by uneven rhythms, loops, waitings and moments of acceleration.

It is a new way of working for me and my practices, too. I’m feeling like challenging my own norms: I am not only using my usual 4×5 and 6×7 color film cameras, but trying with 35mm and 120 roll films in black and white. In the terms of moving, I feel myself traveling without a clear path and a predetermined end. in terms of anthropology, I am just trying to live the experience.

Want to know more and see the printed pictures? Join me for my artist talk and exhibition on June 9th, at 4PM.

Reluctant Love: A Visual Love Letter of Healing

It’s been a month or so since I have been working on the project of “Violated Women” and for some reason it may have been the title or because I was fighting against myself.  It took some soul searching because I wanted to keep the name because I wanted other women to join me as I told my story of being victimized.  As with any documentary situations change and people change their mind to be documented.  I was so head strong on making sure that I had three women so the film would talk to all women, not every woman is ready to heal.  Though many of my close friends said to me it’s your story, your situation is so valuable and your voice is so perfect to tell the story of inspiration and hope.  As most of us in life we ignore our close friends and family, they quickly reminded me of my accomplishments and struggles and kept the spirit. I took some time to think about what folks were saying and they were absolutely right I didn’t need to wait for other women to join me and tell their story.  I was a story myself and what better person to have access to than myself.  My biggest enemy is usually myself: how I’m not right, it has to be better, it’s not going my way always finding excuses to fight with myself.

So as I have been rewriting the treatment I realized I am the voice. I am the creative energy and the inspiration to get this party started.  Though many of us filmmakers have an ego we don’t want our film to be trash or be a flop so we have this strong anxiety to get it right.

I have a great start of crew and still need more people committed to bring this project to fruition.   Dr. Kate Cerulli  (consultant on film) first introduced the idea of changing the name a few weeks ago,  I was sort of hesitant because I didn’t want to change the concept of the project.  I understand her concern that I would need funding and that title just might scare folks.  I am excited about the title now because it makes the statement of how I felt when I was pregnant, after I had my daughter and how I continued to love her even after the worst was done to me.  It takes some kind of love to have a child from a man that hurt you physically and mentally.

I realized this subject about rape is her subject to talk about.  I feel like it might be easier talking about racism than about unwanted sex.  Most men don’t want to have this conversation because it’s just a turn off and they don’t want to have a conversation that makes them feel uncomfortable.

I am still working on my film treatment & synopsis now that I have drastically changed the direction. I am my own worst enemy just getting the writing portion out has been difficult. Though my personal life has had some road bumps this week I am truly thankful for time I was able to work through my project.  I have been creatively planning on writing a poem to my daughter visually using the film as my backdrop to say what I feel. I also want to take the time to inform young women about the resources that are out in society for them.  I realized by researching Rochester community there are few resources for victims of violence dealing with rape.  Hoping that when I am finished with this project there is a FREE rape survivor group so that there is support group for folks like myself.

My goal is to educate other survivors with organizations and groups that can assist while survivors get the mental health support they need.  Though you may survive from the act of rape the mental anxiety is still there deep down inside.  I have been yearning to find peace by defining my spirituality and staying true to my faith.  Looking forward to going to Cuba for my birthday so I can define my spirituality in Yoruba.  Lauryn Hill use to sing “How you gonna win if your not right within” how am I gonna make a difference with my films if my heart and soul are not right within?  That is the question I asked myself and realized I have to make that trip for my soul. You may ask why Cuba? The Yoruba religion is strong in Cuba and is based on believing in a supreme being through natural elements,  believers must follow a series of commandments; the 16 laws of Ifá, the origin is attributed to the pronouncements of Orunmila, the orisha of wisdom and divinations.  My third eye has been open and I have been up early in the morning the creator has been speaking to me to stay still.  I believe when your still and your soul is still you can hear the voice of the creator speak to you.

My team and I will be having our first production meeting this Friday and looking forward to folks meeting each other and updating them on the change of name and my goals for the documentary.